panic!!

So I had a minor episode of anxiety today. Actually - it was kind of huge and terrifying. I was supposed to pick up Paul Luis from handball practice at 4:30. No problem, right? I had Emma Sophie in happy spirits, we got ready and leisurely pulled into the parking lot with the minivan at 4:23. When we got to the building, there was no Paul Luis in sight. In fact, his entire class wasn´t there! We ran around the gymnasium and track area, shouting "Paul Luis," and finally around 4:40 I started asking people if they knew where his class was. I was too frazzled to construct a sentence of sorts in German, so I took frantically asked "Sprechen Sie English?" until I found people who felt pity on me and tried to help. Sadly no one had any idea what I was talking about. Emma was dealing with all of this like a brave little toaster, quietly whispering "ow" into my arm when I accidentally squeezed her hand too tight without realizing it! Finally we got back into the car, and I decided to go back home and call Claudia at work... I dreaded that phone call ("um... I might have lost your child...") - but thought maybe she might know of another place in the neighborhood that they might have taken the handball class. In the safety of the car, Emma Sophie started to speak up - loudly! "He´s probably dead, Kate," "Maybe someone STOLE him!!" Not now, Emmi... I was trying so hard not to cry in front of her, but it was almost impossible. I was a nervous wreck of a human being!! We got to the house, and just as my tears and snot started to spill over I noticed his sport bag sitting by the front door. I shouted his name, ran upstairs, and he was quietly sitting at his desk doing homework. Apparently they got out of class early, so he decided to walk home when he couldn´t find our car there... AHH!!! I mean - I´m relieved everything turned out okay, but I just can´t deal with things like that!! I have rarely felt so terrified. One of my biggest fears of being an au pair is the possibility that something awful could happen to the children, and that I would feel responsible and never forgive myself. I had no idea I´d have a brush with that fear so early in the game!! But all is okay... for now. We had a little chat, and Paul Luis knows now to wait at the door of the gymnasium next time they finish early... To be honest, I am kind of irritated at his teacher for not sticking around until 4:30 to make sure all the parents picked up the children...
Now it all seems so silly, but I´m not well made for these kind of things. Let´s hope it doesn´t happen again.

A few other things have happened since last I wrote, but I´m getting sleepy. I just had to share that little episode while those feelings are all still raw!! Tomorrow will be a big day, but I think I´ll have a break Wednesday. Maybe I´ll catch up then.